Quite a few of the people I have got to know over the past four years living in Africa have left or are in the process of returning to Europe. I don't understand how they do it. I know it sounds irrational, and it is nothing but a completely irrational feeling: I don't understand how they can leave Africa. I do know on the rational account that contracts terminate and that some of us are tied to places in Europe due to family, friends, bank loans and work.
A final return is simply an avoidable part of the deal. My brain knows that I have to get a real job in the real world at some point down the line. That I need to reconnect with my family, that it is highly absurd that other people get to spend valuable time with my Icelandic nephew, while I am away. But the rest of me simply doesn't reconcile with the fact that Africa can be over and maybe never be again.
The last time it happened in June 2007, I left the decision to the destiny (and it worked).
I know that the returnees struggle with the return as a concept and with integration into European life. I know that I will when my turn is up. My time is in fact approaching again, and hard decisions must be made. Four years in Africa, which initially was only meant to be two years, is a long time. For the last couple of months I have made minus-and-plus lists, balanced rationality with emotions, the fantastic options I get via my job contra my personal dilemma with the development world in general.
I haven't made a clear decision yet. In stead I end up saying yes to all I can get my hands on. More trips deep inside. More dinner invitations, parties, drinks, lunches, trips to the beach, more photography, more interesting assignments, more walks into the centre of Dar Es Salaam. Squeezing out what ever possible of Africa while I am still on the continent.
I feel so extremely priviledged when friends in Denmark tell me that they are missing Africa. I congratulate myself that it isn't me.
Yet.
The Kilimanjaro Beer slogan says 'Make the most of it'. For now it feels like the only right thing to do.
